Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), aka Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, is an illness that can make you struggle with your emotions. It is better be a wise guy and use the knowledge and wisdom you provide to detect and avoid women who do not have the necessary skills to maintain a healthy and sustainable relationship. It is not their fault, it wont likely get better and without understanding of what is going on, they can do alittle to change things. Although the nice-guy/borderline union in theory should work, in reality it is guaranteed to fail. You understand therefore significantly in relation to this subject, made me personally believe it from a lot of various angles. I keep testing him to see if he really cares. To understand the individual troubling behaviors it can be helpful to do searches within forums for people recovering from BPD. Let's break the stigma and learn ways to heal together. They usually do not despise everyone around them. Wow Extremely well writtenIt feels like you saw my life and wrote thisSo completely aptA few question thoughMy ex dumped me some 7 months agoAnd the ditching was completely out of the blue on a phone call while I was out of station. Because women with traits of BPD are not capable of withstanding any kind of betrayal, the nice-guy types ability to override selfish impulses and give to her consistently turns him into her perfect knight in shining armor. I am good at picking out the perfect makeup/clothes to bring it out. Jasmine: Yeah, you got what you wanted and then just rolled over and rolled away. Then came a third 5 days silent treatment where i laughed via text over the silliness of her behaviour. The reason these proclamations of love are so compelling is that she is not lying. Im a little confused, however. And, as youve said, there are no guarantees. Thank you for telling your story. Welcome to Me is a 2014 comedy-drama that follows Alice Klieg (Kristen Wiig), a woman diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) who wins the lottery and uses the funds to create a talk show about herself. We are people who feels things more strongly than you do who suffer from different forms of depression and anxiety (highs and lows). Other times where she would think I was ignoring her, I was met with rage that you would expect from a 12 year old. After witnessing such marital turmoil during childhood, I am sure this created a great sense of distrust in men and thereby she developed these self-preserving defense mechanisms. Instead they vacillate between idealizing and devaluing others. Two weeks later, she dumped me on the flimsiest of reasons. Remember to spread the word that BPD/CPTSD/EUPD are all disorders that hurt, though that we can recover from with tenacity, patient endurance, and hard work! The people who get stuck on woe is me, my partner the crazy BPD are truly the ones who will never change and take accountability for their own actions. Thank you so much for your insight into BPD relationships. People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. But it also saddens me a bit and scares me as well. Would that embarrassment be too great? Whether theyre nice or not, the reason they stay is because they want the admiration the BPD provides them with when theyre in a good mood. Having said this though she has completely ruined me as a person and i would love to understand how one minute i was everything and now im her worst enemy and the cause of all her problems, really struggling to cope and its more sad to think after all thw torture i Her method of coping with her great longing for intimacy and simultaneous fear of being hurt can lead to a pattern of abuse. You certainly get to choose how to live your life, and if you are not hurting anyone, then no one has a right to make any judgments on those choices. 1. I take more than I give. He loves me and my BDP but he has respect for himself and he has a backbone. Listen in today for the first episode of the new year! Oh boy. I even mentioned therapy but it went nowhere. I guess when we got back together the emotions she was experiencing thwarted any flashbacks she might have had. Some are ready and able given the right partner mix, others still need to learn the hard way. I did sense something the matter though just like very self centered. Thank you so much for your reply Joanna. What happens when someone does that and is left without any sense of appreciation from the other person after trying so hard? On her talk show (called Welcome to Me), Alice performs skits based on her past experiences the good, the bad and the embarrassing. Without further ado, here are the movies that got BPD symptoms (mostly) right: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a science-fiction romantic comedy/drama that focuses on the relationship between introverted and anxious Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) and free-spirit Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet). | BPD is largely characterized by unstable interpersonal relationships, which we see play out in Alice's life. I have recently been using te Nicola method with some success. Empathy is the process that allows us to feel the emotions of others. Im at a loss as to what I did for her to loose her respect for me I stood up to her abuse but it didnt change anything After a temper outburst from me, which came from immense pressure, and while deeply unfortunate, no one was hurt or even touched, the process of discarding but then some clarity three months into it and she starts counselling this doesnt last to long. I have told my therapist that I will be seeking a divorce if she cant acknowledge and work towards beating either issue. (As I read this, I fear I may be idealizing him!!!). I apparently had no idea about our relationship though she had maintained throughout that she had told him And he sounded like one more of those nice guys when he tried to console me after learning about our relationship and breakupHe said all girls are hard and she is one of themI gave him her number as that was what he wanted and we never spoke againI suppose he tried to patch up with her and may be they are in touch over phone (he stays in the US while her & me here in IndiaI have a few things to clear up though Because he believes in a world where everyone obeys the social rules of good behavior, he does not recognize that she is living in a world where although everyone talks about the rules, no one is actually capable of following them. Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for therapy or clinical services. So this is a long story. The reason these techniques are offered is because many women with these traits do not begin the devaluation phase until they are in a committed relationship or have a child with their partner. Do you know how difficult it is to find treatment? A woman hitting a man rarely causes a domestic violence report. So no Sarah, the real issue is with mentally ill sociopaths whose primary preoccupation is satisfying THEIR needs exclusively, to hell with who they hurt in the process. I somtimes have vivid images of violence when I am hurt, and that is where my motto comes into play, I cant control my emotions; but I can control myself. Needless to say, I outgrew kindergarten ten years ago. She just had to be in control of everything. This just takes all hope away I believe if you have a borderliner, like me, on therapy and trying to work on herself, together with a partner who tries to understand and knows the triggers and tries to understand borderline, I believe it can work, at least, that is what I hope, because after reading this Im wondering if it will ever be better. So sometimes they adore various people and sometimes they despise them. And unfortunately, this is where you seem to be. Women On The Spectrum of BPD: Did She Really Love Me? Maybe it is a mixture of both. With you you are searching for someone who can make you emotionally happy, when in reality for a man this is very hard to do in the long run. Matthew Busch photographed a woman living with borderline personality disorder. is there any evidence that people who come to acknowledge they have traits of BPD have a better outcome than those who dont? You should be ashamed! When I felt she was devaluing me, I started to question her. The counseling is not an option, I will still be reading here. Its very difficult to keep someone like this in your good graces. Thousands of new, high-quality pictures added every day. I put myself in my exs shoes through our entire relationship. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? I understand why she pushes me away but it is hard to accept. Daniel S. Lobel, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Katonah, NY, as well as an Assistant Clinical Professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in the Department of Psychiatry. Best of luck! She will have complete belief in whatever emotional state she is in. things like that which were very frustrating for me. For most women with symptoms of BPD, this is not a deliberate strategy, but rather an emotionally driven act. I am a confident guy and with her I turned into a pussy. My mother tried to calm her down. I wanted to ask though I have been broken up with my Bpd girlfriend for 5 months now and have met and began a relationship with a very sweet nice girl. I just had to comment on how helpful I have found your writing and analysis. In an interview with CBS in 2013, the actress said, I was in Fatal Attraction and that played into the stigma. The likelihoods of falling for a emotionally immature woman may be decreased significantly though. For the first few months she was very kind and loving towards me. Just like there is a profile for the borderline personality type, there is also a profile for the kind of man that they often choose to partner with. It would be nice if the moral of this story was just that easy. Not sure if my 45yr old ex gf has BPD or npd but she cheated on me multiple times before breaking up over what she said was lifestyle differences because my home was too modern,I was to clean and tidy,I didnt drink and her teen daughter hates me.she said we didnt know each other and shouldnt have lived together,that I wasnt who they thought I was and that her kid will always hate me.that she was confused and didnt know what she wanted and that you never know what may happen in a few months. Hey Joanna. She had a bad rship before me too. Unfortunately, I haven't had the strength to not reach out every 3 or 4 weeks during those 4 months - essentially, to let her know "it's okay", "I understand/support you", "hope you're feeling well today", blah-blah-blah. These individuals sometimes can be rehabilitated by their partners using very specific techniques. His desire to please others and find acceptance pushes him to game jump, break countless laws and ultimately put his life in danger. It means RECOGNIZING your illness and doing what you can to mitigate the damage to those who love you. Mighty community member Kellyann N. shared that mental health professionals have explained BPD using Anakin Skywalker (a.k.a. After 2 years of recovering from a harmful ex, of being frustrated at online articles that refer to me as a codependent which I am not, of not being a whole person of which I am, this finally makes sense along with introducing a spectrum of behaviours. good luck to anyone who is giving it a go , hopefully your situation is better than what mine was . I replied the next day and agreed a basic chat the following day: She called saying she had seen a doctor for depression but now had to run into work and we could talk later (all of 30 secs!) i.e. I believe strongly that my ex now has BPD. I would recommend psychological testing before marriage along with the typical police background check ! I thought this was a very negative article about the borderliners in question. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. ThoughAnakin Skywalker exhibitsmany classic symptoms of BPD,its important to highlight that having a diagnosis ofBPDdoesnt mean you are dangerous or will join the dark side.. It would certainly make a happy ending to tell a man recovering from a breakup with a woman with traits of BPD to be wiser in the future about his relationships. Because you live with BPD., Im recently diagnosed bpd.. We offer mindset coaching only for individuals nationally and internationally. She would rather struggle than have any help from me too. Listen in today to hear a message of hope and encouragement and to add being honorable to your moral compass! There are many people who would be surprised that you didnt early on categorize this woman as controlling and abusive. For the final time, I asked if a face to face was an issue. Continuously wants change to fill her void, and yet this kind of change can be destructive to our financial future, not to mention changing my childs school yet again. This will cause you to revert back to just being yourself feeling they didnt hold up their end of the bargain. Casting the nice guy against the terrible Tyrant with bpd is not helpful to the woman so Im assuming this piece was written for men in abusive relationships? Its only since we split 4 months ago that I ve sat back and actually thought about it all moreso. I want us to last, Youve always had me and always will, We are meant to be I didnt know what I had til it was gone on and on and on. But as far as your psychological safety, that can depend on how severe her condition is and on how vulnerable you are to any emotional abuse you may have suffered in the relationship.